direct mail product marketing

I got tampons in the mail today.

Six to be precise -- three unscented, two regular absorbency and one super absorbency.

Nicely packaged in a beautiful box the size of a box of Pocky. Apparently if I were to use my new "Pearl" tampons I would "Discover the difference in the details."

This is not a new idea -- the fem. hygene products by Canada Post. More than 20 years ago I received two panty liners in a cello package in the mail. With wings -- then a new feature. A roommate, at the time, and I carried them in our pockets to work and then just before we entered the building stuck them to our foreheads. We explained to everyone that we'd received "these cool adhesive sweatbands" in the mail.

Well, I don't run long distances anymore so I guess I have no use for them (ahem) and will take them to work and give them to my gal pal there.

Speaking of trees. None were harmed in the making of the tampons which contain only cotton and/or rayon fibres. That's right, no scratchy bark. Some trees in High Park:

God, one of these list things.

Because I've been identified as one who would never do this, here it is.

"EIGHT THINGS"

Eight things I plan to do before I die(I carry a "to do" list in my head, have for years, so this is a partial list and some of these are completed, as marked):

* Skydive (done)
* Climb a Mountain (technical climb, as I have hiked to mountain tops)
* Sculpt (done)
* Take Singing Lessons
* Buy "Real" Art (begun)
* Get (my non fiction)Published (begun)
* Run a Marathon (done)
* Live in the Third World

Eight Things I Can Do:

* Make People Laugh
* Write
* Insult
* Sleep in a Tent in Bear Country
* White Water Canoe (okay, it's been a while!)
* Cut a Precise Straight Edge With a Brush and Paint (housepainting)
* Convince Anyone of Anything
* Bloom Orchids

Eight Things I Can't Do:

* Learn Another Language
* Think Spatially
* Believe in God
* 10 hands-forward, wide-grip chin ups (was up to 7 unassisted, at one point)
* Finish Reading "Gravity's Rainbow"
* Remember
* Buy Cheap
* Fold a Fitted Sheet

Eight Things That Attract Me to the Opposite Sex:

* Intelligence
* Ironic Humour
* Face
* Smooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooth
* Creativity
* Takes a Position
* Self-Actualized (or at least understands it's a goal)
* Owns a Sling

Eight Things I Say Often

* Yummy
* I'm going to bed early
* I was just going to say...
* Actually...
* Shut Up
* I Can't Afford It
* Holy Mackerel
* Sheesh

Eight Celebrity Crushes

* Won Bin + Hayden Christensen x 4

SPIN

A colleague at work found himself defending the organization as the rest of the room laughed at what for those of us in "overhead" (non-client facing) folks was just the producing of one more annoyance.

I wound up calling him Goebelles, which reminded me of this article I bookmarked three or four years ago:

[okay, blogger.com isn't cooperating with the insert link feature, so here it is -- cut and paste it, if you want to read the article. I really hate computers at the end of the day: http://freespace.virgin.net/christopher.arkell/london.miscellany/m35/spin.htm ]




And to think I agree with this description of what I do for a living. No wonder I love it so

Did I mention? He from there can cook!

First take some really strong tasting leaves (that look like mint leaves on steroids) -- called "Ghehn Nip" (sesame leaf)

Then steam some tofu "too boo", boil some kimchi and add one set your flesh afire spicey sauce.

Put tofu and kimchi in leaf, and fold leaf (raw and unheated) into neat little dumpling. Pop whole thing in mouth, chew, swallow and repeat.

For "sides" add fish in another spicey sauce and white rice (for god knows brown rice is the work of the "debhur" in Asia).

Delicious.

Oh, and the cook is a bit of a dish himself.

Yummy.

I've pointed out where I keep my iron and my vacuum cleaner. If he cooks AND cleans I've promised not to report him to Immigration.

PS -- note THE ring, ahem!

The Joonbug has landed!

He from there is here :)

Arrived safely last evening after nearly as much time in airports as in airplanes!!

Sigh... :)

Celebrity

Decided to take a walk with my camera today. Wandered into Yorkville and quickly was reminded that it's Film Festival season. Within a half block, two people asked me if "I'd gotten anybody good today." They meant celebrities captured on my camera. It was so the farthest thing from my mind, so I share here the actual subjects of my len's stare today.

I am far more interested in highrise construction cranes than actors entering a hotel, any ol' day. If you ever get a chance to see them assemble one of these babies, take a minute to watch. The wrench they use is literally the size of a truck. Really.

This is a pic of my favourite sculpture -- Icarus. He's planted outside a Yorkville gallery -- he's 10s of thousands of dollars :( I asked once. Today he seemed to be craning (ahem!) his neck to see if perhaps he might catch an elevating lift on the chain and cable hovering above him just a few metres away.

"Fuck" and the customer service paradigm

Won't bore with details but enough background to say, back in May Canadian Tire (I know, my first mistake) did (or claimed to) repairs on my car -- to no affect. The problem didn't go away. They further over two more visits continued to agree the problem existed and did (or claimed to) repairs -- including replacing parts they replaced. I took the car back in today and it was given a clean bill of health this time, ah, except the original problem from May exists.

That brought me onto the shop floor with the supervisor -- assistant to the shop manager, who was at home (and no one would call there despite my polite entreaties that perhaps they might appropriately do so before the customer before them went apoplectic -- "ape shit," I, again politely, explained.).

Confusion spread on a face when I asked how I could have originally paid for correcting a problem, how Canadian Tire could agree twice subsequently that there was a problem and at their expense, again twice (including repeating the original repairs) pursue that problem, then for me to ultimately be told there was no problem, and then not get any response when I suggest the original (and subsequent) ministrations on my car's most delicate front pipe were in fact not required at all, since alleged interventions by men with greasy fingernails had failed to correct the problem?

It denigrated to me demanding to see the parts numbers of the alleged replacement parts -- most especially the alleged second replacement part. Humming and hawing over that led me to say, "Okay, just fuck it" and I began to storm out.

WELL! The supervisor stormed after me (lots of storming, eh?) and began to go on and on about how he didn't need to come in on a Saturday and have to hear that kind of language, and be told to do THAT to himself. I explained I'd said "it" not "yourself" but he was not to be calmed. I smiled and asked that he not make the incident about HIM and then asked if it would have been better if I'd told him to go fuck himself on a Tuesday? He then stormed away.

I then walked the length of the shop singsonging, with much volume, "You people are fucking crooks... fucking crooks, fucking crooks." I thought that good since Mr. Supervisor, I sensed, was insulted by the language, not the nature of the action suggested in the insult.

Gee, when last I used foul language after "snapping" in a customer service failure situation, the Royal Bank sent me a Bay Card with 35 dollars on it or something ridiculous -- they were more than confused when I called not to thank them but tell them the financial compensation was an insult as they'd put a value of $35 on the insult and inconvenience their incompetence had cause me.

Sigh, you just can't please big corporations when they're trying to please you, anymore!

Bush

First, a W. Bush quotation (and some response) from The Daily Dish.
"QUOTE OF THE DAY: 'The good news is - and it's hard for some to see it now - that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house - there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch.' (Laughter).' - president George W. Bush, today. Just think of that quote for a minute; and the laughter that followed. The poor and the black are dying, dead, drowned and desperate in New Orleans and elsewhere. But the president manages to talk about the future "fantastic" porch of a rich, powerful white man who only recently resigned his position because he regretted the failure of Strom Thurmond to hold back the tide of racial desegregation."
___________

There are no words for how stupid is the person who was elected POTUS. No words for the anger which is so great it brings me out of my hopes to just ignore the circus geek that he is. Sadly, he eats not the heads off live chickens, or squirming worms from a tin can of slime, he bites the head from intellectual public discourse and good, reasonable, fair government... A differnet sort of freak-show revulsion, but a freak show revulsion nonetheless is the idiot POTUS. One hopes the wooden steps at the ranch are particularly slippery one morning while Baby Bush heads out, feet slipper clad, to stare at the landscape and have his morning intellectual moment staring at the huge plant things, to struggle to recall the noun, "trees."

I LOVE Michael Moore

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.

Yours,

Michael Moore